Twenty-twelve

We are now in the last hours of 2012.
I won't be sorry to see the ball drop and a new year ushered in. 2012 has been a year of change, of incredible lows and of new normals. It has also been a year of truly learning the meaning of 2nd Corinthians 12:9 "And HE said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness."
Five days into the new year I found myself unemployed for the first time in thirty-four years. I was numb, frightened and angry. I cried out to GOD " Why, did YOU allow this to happen?" I had been in banking since I was 19 years old and continued to advance. I had climbed the corporate ladder while trying to keep my principals high and my eyes on GOD. Now within the course of a couple of days it was gone. Why GOD,why?
My FATHER allowed me to cry and question HIM and even doubt HIS goodness (but only for a moment) while all the time whispering "Trust ME. MY grace is surely sufficient for you." So, although I still didn't understand... I trusted HIM, who held all of my tomorrow's.
As the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months I realized how mentally and physically exhausted I had been. I started to recognize the toll that the past year had taken on me. And so I rested, not knowing my greatest test was just ahead.
On May 3rd my mother called to ask if I could take her to the doctor as she had been fighting a respiratory problem for the past few weeks. When we got to the doctor they were shocked to find her oxygen in the upper 70's and insisted on admitting her to the hospital immediately. So began "The Hardest Time of All". Mom would be in the hospital (with a couple of short but blessed reprieves) until the end of August.
Because I was unemployed during this time ( remember my FATHER asking me to trust HIM? ) I was able to be by her side throughout throughout those four months.
They were months filled with pain and fear but also with more laughter then you could imagine. As our beloved Mama Charley taught us her last lesson. That death is simply part of the journey. We gathered around her bed as a family, each with our own memories. We laughed until we thought they might kick us out, we listened to each of her grandchildren tell her of the impact she had had on their lives and how they were the people they were today because of her influence. Mike, Cindy, Larry, Lesa and I remembered the good times, laughed with each other, held each other up and gained strength from the strong family chords that were forged so many years ago.
It was the best of times and the worst of times and on August 30th we said our earthly goodbye to that incredible woman. Her Homegoing was a celebration of a life lived for GOD and we can only imagine the celebration that was going on in Heaven as they welcomed Mama Charley home.
And just as HE promised GOD provided a job for me which started the end of August ( check HIS timing ) with the school system. No stress! No unreachable goals! No politics! A job with committed Christians in a low income school with no limits to the prayer needs. A mission field as much as any place in Africa would be. I am so thankful for this opportunity.
But then in September I began having the same symptoms mom had experienced. Low oxygen, persistent cough, no energy, etc. as I saw one doctor after another they all assured us that it had nothing to do with mom (as they ordered the exact same tests to be run as she had). My mind wanted to fear but my FATHER said "Trust ME. MY grace is surely sufficient for you." On December 12th I had an open lung biopsy (just like mom had) but after a few days in the hospital and a few sleepless nights we got the results from Mayo Clinic. Rheumatoid Arthritis....causing inflammation in the lungs. Bizarre diagnosis, totally unexpected, not a good thing but very treatable and so much better then it could have been.
And all the time my ABBA FATHER keeps whispering "Trust ME. MY grace is surely sufficient for you. No matter what you face I've already made a way for you and I will be holding your hand the whole way."
So while I'm not sorry to say goodbye to 2012, it has been a time of learning and growing and I'm stronger and have a closer walk with my FATHER because of it.
Before we welcome the new year I've got to say thank you to three of the people who GOD used so powerfully this past year.
To Larry, my rock. You remained by my side throughout. Because of your strength I was able to stand. Because I had you, I was able to say a temporary goodbye to Mama Charley. Because of your faith, my faith stood. My heart will always be yours, babe.
Mike, my big brother. The hero of my childhood. This past year has brought us closer then we could ever have been during "easy times". We've leaned on each other, made decisions that were impossible to make, laughted and cried together and never once had a cross word. You're an amazing man.
And Lesa, my sister-cousin. For 54 years ( hey, I can still say that for a few more hours) you have been my sister and the dearest friend GOD could ever have blessed me with. We have shared more laughter and tears then either one of us could have imagined. You have made me laugh when I was low and gently (yeah right) lifted me up when I was down. I couldn't have made it through the year without you. Simply said, I love you.
So now.... We have a brand new year stretching out in front of us. Nobody knows what it will hold. I can promise you there will be highs and lows, laughter and tears, hello's and goodbyes but it you listen real close you'll hear the FATHER whisper Trust ME, MY child. MY grace is surely sufficient for you."

Christmas Through Your Eyes

Christmas Through Your Eyes

It’s been three months now since you went home.  If you would have ask me six months ago, I’d have assured anyone that I couldn’t make it without you.  Yours was the first face I ever saw, the first voice I ever heard and the first arms that ever held me. You were the one that taught me about life, about laughter and most of all about JESUS. You were my mother, my teacher, my confidant and my best friend. Live the rest of my life without you....no, not possible.

I know the Bible teaches us that we don’t grieve as the world grieves who have no hope and my mind believed but my heart wasn’t sure.  I knew that the Bible promised that GOD’s grace was sufficient and HIS peace was unlike the peace of the world and again my mind believed while my heart cried out for proof. And then you took your last breath, and shed the shackles of earth and flew into your SAVIOR’s arms and my heart knew. My heart knew GOD’s Word was true and HIS promises enough.  My LORD became my COMFORTER, my PRINCE OF PEACE and my HOPE OF THE AGES.

But then came the holidays.  The first ones since you left.  Thanksgiving....your favorite day and a day we had shared for 53 years. A day we had made a tradition of seeing how much food we could cook, how many people we could crowd around the table and how big a mess we could make. Could I possibly get through Thanksgiving without you? Again, my heart said no and my FATHER said “trust ME”. Was it the same, no, how could it be?  Was it good?  Absolutely! With lots of food, close family, a lifetime full of memories and even more laughter we got through the day and when I remember Thanksgiving of 2012, it will be with a smile.

And now Christmas time is here.  With sparkling trees, beloved Christmas carols playing and memories of past Christmas’ crowding in to my every conscience moment.  Memories of a wide eyed little girl, clutching your hand and staring in wonder at the animated store windows.  Memories of early Christmas morning trips to grandma’s house.  Memories of the family gathering at church during midnight mass on Christmas eve.  Then for the past ten years since dad went home we traded places.  I was the one handing out surprises to you.  A surprise every day from December 1st through the 24th.  Little surprises like a plate of cookies and big ones like an impromptu trip to Savannah. And how you loved them! You were like a little girl waking up at midnight to see what was in store for you that day. 

So, the holiday season is upon us and everything I’ve known has changed.  And on top of that I have been facing some physical challenges.  The energy I’ve always taken for granted is gone and I find sometimes that it’s all I can do to get through the day.  But when we are weak, GOD’s strength is made perfect! When I don’t have the power HE supplies all my needs and during this “down time” I’m finding HIM opening my eyes to so many new insights.  I was feeling so sorry for all the things you would miss this year... ..... did I really say that?  Did I really think that? Really?  Seriously? The things YOU would miss? I’m sure that you and dad and the angels got quite a laugh out of that. You are spending Christmas with your sweetheart for the first time in ten years. You’re with your mother and father for the first time in many, many years. But all of this pales in comparison to the celebration you are experiencing for the very first time. While we know the reason for the season....you are in the presence of the Reason for the Season! While we see through a veil you are seeing JESUS CHRIST in all HIS glory! While we feel joy in celebrating HIS birthday, you are sharing the celebration with HIM! The Bible tells us that eyes have not seen and ears have not heard what awaits us but you have experienced it all and will continue to experience it all. Oh, how I wish I could see Christmas through your eyes. 

But what will we be doing this year?  Well, Christmas will definitely not be the same without you and we realize how futile it would be to try to pretend it is. Your silly little elf has found a new home with Lesa and has found himself in all kinds of mischief such as eating the chocolate ice cream out of the freezer to the delight of the grandboys (and me)! Willie Nelson’s Pretty Paper either brings a smile (or a tear) rather then the gagging reflex of past years :). Christmas shopping won’t be the same without our every 30 minute Starbucks stop. Yes, it will be different. Will it be good? We’re still celebrating the birth of the SAVIOR. We’re still surrounded by loving family and friends. There is still light and beauty all around us and we know that one day soon, we’ll all be celebrating together around the throne.  And in the mean time.....
I won’t spend too much time worrying about the things you’re missing.

Letters to Mama Part 2

What a difference a week can make.  Last Friday night I was sitting in your room in ICU crying...

Tonight I’m sitting in your hospital room laughing as I watch and listen to you interacting with your nurse and respiratory tech.  It’s 1:30 in the morning and you just woke from a wonderful, peaceful sleep with lots to say.  Of course, it’s still a bit challenging to talk with your trach in place, but then when have you ever let a challenge stand in your way?

Your recovery this week has been nothing less than miraculous...but why should that surprise us...that’s exactly what we’ve been praying for.  And to say you’ve had lots of prayers being lifted up on your behalf would be the understatement of the year. Tonight you asked me to thank everyone who had prayed for you...yeah, right!  I could thank people for the next six months and not get to all of them. You’ve had prayers going up from here to Scotland, from friends, from family and from people you’ve never met and will probably not meet this side of heaven but they lifted you up to the FATHER anyway.  They prayed and believed.  The HEALER passed by and you reached out and touched the hem of HIS garment.  

You have blessed so many people since coming to this incredible hospital.  The doctors, the nurses, the aids have all been used by GOD to minister to you and to us. They all love coming into your room. They feel your love and somehow, I think they sense the presence of the LORD here. 

I know you still have a way to go on this journey to recovery but Mama Charley is back with us and ready to allow the FATHER to turn this trial into a testimony of HIS healing power. You’ve not been able to talk for two and a half weeks and I know you’ll have lots to say when you’re able to talk again,  Until then you are communicating with mouthed words, smiles, winks and thank GOD the twinkle that has returned to your eyes. You’ve reached for the hands of nurses (and that in itself hasn’t been easy with the weakness in your arms, legs and hands) and I’ve seen them gently kiss you on the forehead and tell you how much they love you.  You have the gift of spreading GOD’s love wherever you go.  I wonder if GOD is using you through this trial to be JESUS to one of your caregivers.  I wonder if when we get to heaven one of these same people will come up to you there and say “I’m here because you showed me GOD’s love.  You showed me what grace looks like.” As the word tells us, when we’re at our weakest that is when GOD is the strongest.  And mama, HE has shown HIMSELF strong through you! 

He has strengthened us and supported us.  When our faith was weak HE sent warriors to hold our arms up, when we were frightened HE reminded us that HE was able and when we trusted you to HIM, HE raised you up.  What a mighty GOD we serve!

Letter to Mama (Part 1)

Dear Mama~

It would have been nice if I had thought to start writing you letters when you first came into the hospital a little over two weeks ago but hey, better late than never!

I know when you get better you’ll want to know all about what went on while you were out so I’ll give it a shot and try to keep you updated.  A word of warning....it’s going to be random as I think of things.

You came into the hospital two weeks ago yesterday with what we (and the doctors believed to be pneumonia in your left lung but when after several days of antibiotics you were worse they suspected it was something else so decided to do an open lung biopsy  which is probably the last thing you remember so I’ll pick up there.

I’m sitting in your darkened ICU room listening to the whir of the respirator that for now is keeping your lungs working.  It’s quiet and in a strange way peaceful right now.  I have praise music playing softly (since I know you would prefer Willie’s version of Amazing Grace rather than Chris Tomlin’s!!) and I feel GOD’s presence all around us. I’ve been thinking about all the things that I’d like to tell you about the past couple of weeks.  

Let’s start with your nurses...they have been awesome.  Such loving, caring people.  There was Tracie with the bouncy ponytail and chatty personality (you would love her). Carol, who I thought at first was cold and uncaring until I saw the tears in her eyes as she shared a less then great report from one of your tests.  And then sweet Rose with the beautiful smile who told me she prayed as she cared for you...she always give me a big hug when I would leave at night and tell me she was watching over you for me and somehow, I knew she was.

Now the doctors were another story....Your pulmonary doctor, Dr. Woman Hater who told me I was tired and sleep deprived and wasn’t thinking clearly simply because I questioned him (He didn’t like being questioned by one of the weaker sex)....I would have had him fired had Mike not arrived just in the nick of time to be the “voice of reason” (“He’s seen mom all week”, “He won’t be on duty next week”, “You don’t have to deal with him”). Wish you could have heard the family conference with Mike and I and Dr. Woman Hater...Mike did some fancy steps keeping himself positioned between me and Dr. WH. Fortunately, he knew his little sister a bit better then the good doc did and therefore made it a point to be present for the remainder of his visits!

And speaking of Mikey being here...(I told you this would be random) He has overcome his hospital phobia...well, almost.  We almost lost him the night Lesa decided to “tidy up” the waiting room.  As she was folding blankets, arranging pillows and racking up crumbs with her bare hands, Mike was getting greener and greener.  He said later he wouldn’t have touched those things without a gown, gloves and surgical mask on!! 

Then there was the afternoon he told me he had a confession...he ate my Cheetos. But then he went down to the cafeteria and bought me a new bag....but then he got hungry and ate that one too so he still owes me a bag of Cheetos!

He and I have sat together, keeping watch over our beloved Mama Charley and I’ve been reminded over and over how blessed I am to have my big brother.

And when I think of being blessed (it just gets more and more random) I could not have made it through these last several days without Larry’s love and strength. I could be with you day after day and night after night because I had him to come home to.  His prayers and faith have held you and I both up.  

Then today I watched as your grandchildren came in and I couldn’t help thinking how unique they are and what a special relationship you have with each one.  Brad came in and after telling you that he was going out for dinner and that he’d sneak you in something...I laughingly told him that I didn’t think they would allow it and without missing a beat he leaned down and grinned at you with those blue eyes twinkling and said “Yeah, but Charley, we’ve never let a few rules get in our way, have we?” and I swear, you grinned at him!

Then as you were doing your breathing trial and becoming a bit anxious Adam pulled his chair close to your bed, took your hand and said “Grandma, let me tell you about what’s been happening in my life” and I listened as he shared his adventures with you and your heartbeat slowed down and you relaxed as you listened to your maverick man.

Then there was sweet Blair, our very own Mother Earth.  She leaned over and whispered what an amazing woman you were and how much she loved you and again, I saw you smile.

There have been so many times in the past two weeks that your ICU room has felt like a  temple.  Like late one night when I was allowing myself to have a meltdown and a dear friend texted me these words “Hold on my child, joy comes in the morning. Weeping only lasts for the night.  The darkest hour means dawn is just in sight.” How could she have known she had just sent me the words of one of your favorite songs?

How many times has your hospital bed become an alter with prayers being lifted to the FATHER on your behalf. So many lives that have been touched by your love and changed because of the life you’ve lived have come to minister to you and to your family.  So many stories have been shared about your strength, and your spunk and your sense of humor. About your laughter and the wisdom you’ve shared.  

You are a strong, amazing woman and you are going to beat this thing. As I’ve told you “this ain’t no hill for a climber!!” We all have stories to share with you...but what I’m really looking forward to are the stories you have to share with us.  I know you’ve been in a place that few of us have been to and probably seen things few of us have seen.  There have been times in these past days that you have had such a faraway look in your eyes....  I can’t wait listen to your stories. 

It’s late and I’m going to close for now.  Tomorrow will be a good day!

I love you, mama!!

Family

Family

It’s funny how sometimes GOD can take two totally random thoughts and put them together to show me something new. That is what has happened this week.  I’ve been studying for a new Bible study on Discerning the Voice of GOD and thinking about family (told you it was random) and GOD began speaking to me.

We all tend to pray about something with the mind set that we know just how and when GOD is suppose to answer and when the answer doesn’t come in our time or in our way we conclude that GOD didn’t answer or we didn’t hear HIM.  

Twenty-three years ago I was a newly married thirty year old.  My husband had two sons but as the years passed I decided I wanted a child of my own.  I prayed.  Nothing happened. I moved on thinking GOD either hadn’t heard my prayer or chose to answer in the negative. I was disappointed but believed that HE had another plan for my life that just didn’t involve me being a mother.  In the past few days HE has revealed to me that HE not only heard that long ago prayer but had answered it with a resounding YES!

First, we must realize that we don’t always see things through GOD’s eyes.  Wouldn’t it be great if we could? I had a picture in my mind of what a family looked like.  Before going any further let me say that I was raised in a normal, biological family...(okay, for those of you who know Mama Charley, let’s change normal to wonderful and fun) with a mother and father and big brother and that’s what I thought a family was. In my eyes, if you didn’t give birth to a child you weren’t a mother.  Oh, what a narrow vision that is!

GOD gave me a contentment and a peace before HE gave me an explanation but this week, right in the middle of my study on hearing and discerning GOD’s voice HE interrupted my study to give me the explanation. Wow, what an awesome GOD we serve.

First HE directed my eyes to my cousin Lesa. She not only is my forever friend, she’s also a hero of mine. If you look the word “mother” up in any dictionary you will probably find Lesa’s picture.  She is one of the few women I know that was born to nurture children. From a teenage babysitter she went on to study to be a teacher.  At 22 she was reaching out and loving street wise six graders who had probably seen more of the ugly side of life then most of us will ever see. She gave them acceptance and hope that they could be more. Then she went on to be a second grade teacher where she remained until being promoted to elementary school principal where she knows every child there by name and story. Always ready with a hug, a word of encouragement or when necessary, her “angry eyes” look!  When I think about the lives she has touched and impacted I know it must number in the thousands.  Has Lesa ever given birth to a child?  No.  Is she a mother?  You bet she is! She has a grown (step)son and is expecting her fifth grandchild in August. She and her husband, John took a little one month old baby with no future into their home fifteen years ago and gave him the world. He is now a handsome, six foot tall young man with his mothers quick wit and sense of humor. A “real” mother? Let her (step)son tell you.  With her permission I’m sharing just a portion of a note he had written her:

“You have worked hard to make sure that every moment in my life is the best that it could possibly be.  I recall a stupid little boy, under a chair, sticking his tongue out at his evil step-mom.   Honestly what more could I hope for in life, than to have a mother devote her life to making sure I have everything I need to happy.  It is me that is blessed, you made sure that stupid little boy…grew up knowing what it was going to take to be a parent—a father. 

Most importantly a loving father; and for that I, thank you.  I would not be where I am today without you—”

What a beautiful testimony to a mothers love.

Then GOD reminded me of the two boys he gave me when I married their father.  Thirteen and eighteen years old at the time. Challenging? For sure! Was it always smooth sailing?  Nope, but seems I’ve heard “real” parents talk about ups and downs in the parenting business! Would I do it over again? In a heartbeat!! Those two boys are now grown men who I truly believe would move heaven and earth if I ask them to. They have filled our home and lives with joy and laughter.  They are strong, faithful, loving men who have never made me feel I was any less a mother to them just because I didn’t give birth to them. 

And lastly, GOD showed me the “children of the heart” HE had given me.  There have been so many but in this particular season of my life I’m blessed with two.  A young woman and a young man.  They know who they are. I can’t tell you what it means to hug one and have them whisper in my ear “Mama, I just love you so much” or to receive an e-mail at 12:15am saying “I need prayer, would you call me?”. Having someone that my FATHER chose for me to mother is a blessing I can’t begin to understand or explain.The love that I have in my heart for them could only be placed there by my GOD. I’m reminded of the Apostle Paul when referring to Timothy as “my dearly loved son” (2nd Timothy 1:2) or Titus as “my true son” (Titus 1:4).  Was he their biological father? No.  Was he a “real” father? Wonder how Timothy and Titus would answer that question?

So, did GOD owe me an explanation? Yeah, right! Of course HE didn’t but HE loved me so much HE chose this time in my life, right in the middle of studying how to discern HIS  voice to show me that HE does hear our prayers and HE does answer our prayers. We just need realize that HE isn’t limited to our finite minds and HIS answers can be so big and so wonderful that we might just miss seeing HIS hand in them if we aren’t waiting expectantly for the answer. 

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 

   neither are your ways my ways,” 

            declares the LORD. 

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, 

   so are my ways higher than your ways 

   and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

Fog

Don't you hate fog?

I enjoy rain, I love snow, I can even handle sleet and hail but fog...I hate it!
There is just something about fog that completely destroys any sense of peace and good will I have and replaces it with a stifling, over-whelming feeling of claustrophobia.  Like the walls are closing in around me and I find it difficult to breathe deeply.  I really, really hate fog!

If you live anywhere near Republic, Missouri you know that around 8:00 last night the fog rolled in so thick you couldn't see your hand in front of your face (okay, maybe it wasn't quite that bad but close).  It had been a cloudy, rainy, dreary day that started with having to take our ten month old Shichon to the vet with an ear infection (did I mention that Graciegirl tends to get extremely car sick?) and ended with still another letter starting out "thank you for your interest in our recent position HOWEVER...".

So we were driving home from church in this dark, heavy, depressing fog which by the way, mirrored my mood completely. Dark, heavy and depressed.

I was having a very one-sided conversation with my ABBA FATHER that went something like this:

"GOD, what is happening here?"
"My life seems to be at a complete stand still."
"I really wanted that job!" (okay, so it wasn't at all what I wanted but I wanted them to want me!)
"Remember, I asked YOU to give me the words to say in the interview?"
"It's been four weeks and I've been really patient!" (Yes, I really did say that to HIM!)

I'd like to tell yout that GOD sent a ray of light cutting through the fog dispelling all my questions but HE didn't.  HE just smiled at me (don't ask me how I know HE smiled, I just know it) the way my mama use to smile at me (make that present tense, she still does) when I get overly dramatic and start taking life too seriously.

HE let me vent and complain and question and HE didn't speak at all.  Not through an angel, not a burning bush, not a prophet, not even a donkey.  HE was silent!  The fog remained and so did my inner conflict.

Then came the morning...

I woke to a clear sky, a bright ray of sunshine and the following devotional reading:

Thank ME

Thank ME for the conditions that are requiring you to be still. 

Do not spoil these quiet hours by wishing them away, waiting impatiently to be active again.

Some of the greatest works in my kingdom have been done from sick beds and prison cells.

Instead of resenting the limitations of a weakened body, search for MY way in the midst of these very circumstances.  Limitations can be liberating when your strongest desire is living close to ME.

Quietness and trust enhance your awareness of MY Presence with you. 

Do not despise these simple ways of serving ME. 

Although you feel cut off from the activity of the world, your quiet trust makes a powerful statement in the spiritual realms.

MY Strength and Power show themselves most effective in weakness.

(From JESUS Calling  February 16)



Is it possible, FATHER, that YOU have orchastrated the events of the past several weeks just so that I might search for YOUR ways more?  Have YOU called me into this season of my life to teach me to trust YOU more?  To lean on YOU and learn of YOU.  To move away from my own understanding and into YOUR peace that passes understanding.

How amazing is our GOD?  The King of the Universe loves me and desires to spend time with me.  HE overlooks my childish whining and tells me "I just want you to draw close and learn of ME".

"For I desire goodness, and not sacrifice; and the knowledge of GOD more that burnt offerings."

                                                                                                                           Hosea 6:6

HE lovingly tells me to trust HIM with my future.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"                                                         

                                                                                                                           Jeremiah 29:11

And best of all...my FATHER tells me of a time and a place without fog!!

"There will be no more night.  They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the LORD GOD will give them light." 

                                                                                                                           Revelation 22:5

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

Blessings!

3:00 AM Musings

It's 3:00 in the morning...huh, interesting time to be up with GOD.  Somehow, it's easier for HIM to speak to me in the quiet of the morning...well, at least after I get a cup of tea, get Gracie settled by my side and finally find one of the twenty pairs of reading glasses I have scattered throughout the house...

So, what did GOD want to talk about here in the third watch of the day? Romans 10:12-16.

  "For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek: for the same LORD is LORD of all, and is rich unto all who call upon HIM: For, whosoever shall call upon the name of the LORD shall be saved."

Okay, now that is a wonderful promise tucked neatly away in the middle of the book of Romans and I might have gone beck to bed had HE not told me to keep reading...(uh oh, why am I thinking this is about to get alot more personal?)

"How then shall they call on HIM in whom they have not believed?  And how shall they believe in HIM who they have not heard?  And how shall they hear without a preacher?  And how shall they preach except they be sent?  Even as it is written, how beautiful are the feet of them that bring glad tidings of good things."

So GOD offers salvation to whosoever calls upon HIS name but in order to call upon someone, you have to know that person. But doesn't everyone know to call out to GOD? Haven't most people we rub shoulders with in our day to day life heard of JESUS?
Perhaps.
But let's bring it down to our level...
I may know the name of a doctor (or several doctors) but if I'm sick I want to call a doctor that somebody recommends to me.  A doctor who has had amazing results treating the malady I'm experiencing.  A "miracle worker" if you will. And how will I find this doctor?  Someone I trust will "tell me about him"!

Well, my very comforting scripture in Romans becomes a bit convicting now.  We who know the doctor must tell of HIM.

But wait, isn't Romans 10:12-16 the scripture used when GOD calls people into the mission field? (I hear some of you saying "I KNEW IT, GOD, YOU"RE SENDING HER TO AFRICA!!) But is that really all that scripture is saying?

Yes, HE does call some out to serve HIM in faraway countries where HIS name is unknown to many.  I think of our dear friends, Rick and Cheri Moeller who served HIM faithfully for over thirty years in the plains of Africa. People that I feel humbled to even call friends.  They gave up everything including home, material possessions, friends and placed a world between them and their family.  And why did they do it?  Because "How shall they believe in him whom they have not heard?"
When health issues and country unrest prevented them from remaining in Africa they could finally come back home for some well deserved rest.  They could enjoy time with their friends and family.  They could get to know their little granddaughter, Ellee.  Rick could, at last, write the book he had dreamed of writing for years... so why, instead would they accept another mission in Scotland (One of the darkest places on earth)? Because "How shall they believe in him whom they have not heard?" 

So, like I said, isn't this a scripture used to call missionaries? YES! But who are the missionaries to be?  WE ARE! Believers in JESUS CHRIST.  Those who know the doctor personally and can attest to HIS greatness.  To HIS love and power.

And where is HE sending us?
He is sending us out to the sick and hurting.  To a lost world that thinks it has everything under control.  He is sending us out of the warmth and security of our comfort zone (wherever that may be for you) and into the world.  It may be HE's calling you to the other side of the globe, or the other side of the nation, it may be your surrounding area, your neighborhood or the next room of your house.  Wherever one of HIS children is waiting to hear about JESUS.  The doctor.  The Savior.
HE isn't asking for eloquent speakers or theology graduates, HE is simply asking that each believer take what HE has been given and give to another.

  "We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit of GOD, that we may understand what GOD has freely given us.  This is what we speak, not in words taught us in human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit..."  1st Corinthians 2:12-13

Well, my tea is cold, my Graciegirl is back asleep and all is peaceful and quiet.  How I love this special one-on-one time with my ABBA-FATHER, my heavenly DADDY.  How could I not want to share a love like this?

Blessings!

You Never Mentioned HIM To Me

"Have you no wish for others to be saved?  Then you are not saved yourself.  Be sure of that...The saving of souls, if a man has once gained love to perishing sinners and his blessed Master, will be an all-absorbing passion to him.  It will so carry him away, that he will almost forget himself in the saving of others..." 
"If sinners will be damned, at least let them leap to hell over our bodies.  And if they perish with our arms about their knees, imploring them to stay.  If hell must be filled, at least let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions and let not one go there unwarned and unprayed for."   Charles Spurgeon

This quote began one of the most disturbing and convicting sermons I have ever sat through (and trust me, I was doing some major fidgeting in my seat!).
The main point of the sermon was that the church of America does not believe in hell.  Oh, we might give it lip service and if backed into a corner might admit that there is a punishment coming for those who don't believe in JESUS CHRIST but hell...
It's way more comfortable to believe that all roads lead to GOD.  That we might take a different road to get there but eventually we all end up at the same place.  While this is a comforting thought and one we'd all like to believe when looking at our family and friends who aren't saved, it just doesn't line up with GOD's Word!
The Word tells us that JESUS CHRIST is the only way to the FATHER.

~...being justified as a gift by HIS grace through the redemption which is in CHRIST JESUS.  Romans 3:24
~...for there is one GOD and one mediator also between GOD and man, the man CHRIST JESUS 1st Tim 2:5
~  You shall have no other God's before me. Exodus 20:3

So, the Bible effectively takes away that cushion of comfort and leads us back to the thought that continues to haunt me.  If my loved ones are not believers in JESUS CHRIST, they are destined to spend eternity in hell.
~Hell, where the fire is not quenched. (Mark 9:44)
~Hell, where we will be in agony and fully conscious forever and ever. (Luke 16:23)
~Hell, a place of utter darkness. (Matthew 8:12)
~Hell, a place of total separation. (Luke 13:28)
~Hell, a place of no hope and no release. (Matthew 25:46 & Hebrews 6:12)
~Hell, where we retain the memory of what might have been. (Luke 16:27-28)

How hard am I trying to lead others to the LORD? In my heart I believe that every word in the Bible is 100% inspired by GOD however do my actions support that belief?
If I truly believe all the Bible tells about eternity (both with GOD in heaven and without HIM in hell) am I doing all I can to lead others to the LORD? How much time do I spend worrying about my problems here in this life (which the Word tells us is like a vapor and then vanishes away. James 4:14) as compared with the time I spend telling others about the LORD? The answer to that question brought me to my knees in utter conviction. When was the last time I witnessed to a lost family member?  A LOST FAMILY MEMBER who I love beyond words. If I'm not witnessing to them, I'm certainly not reaching out to the stranger on the corner!
GOD, please forgive me and give me a holy boldness to share YOUR love with everyone I see.  Let me go "where angels fear to trod" in search of those who don't know YOU.  Use me, FATHER.  Let it never be that one day I would stand before YOU and hear another person say "you never mentioned JESUS to me".

"When in another land, before the bar we stand,
how deeply grieved our souls may be.
If any lost one there should cry out in deep despair,
you never mentioned HIM to me.

You never mentioned HIM to me.
You helped me not the light to see.
You met me day by day, and you knew I was astray.
Yet you never mentioned JESUS to me."               Dottie Rambo

A Brand New Chapter

Hard to imagine that at age 54 I could be starting a brand new chapter in my life. 
For the first time in over thirty years I find myself among the ranks of the unemployed.  I still haven't gotten my mind wrapped around this but I have come to believe that regardless of how it all happened, GOD had a plan!  For the past ten...twelve (can't remember the year) years I have prayed for more of HIM.  For a closer, deeper relationship with HIM.  And HE has answered that prayer beyond my wildest dreams. HE has given me a hunger for HIS Word and a desire (and possibly even a gift) for sharing it with others.
But as so often happens...I began to take the gift for granted.  I began to lose the fire within me.  Life began to crowd in and JESUS got pushed aside.  Oh, not completely...I still managed to keep a week or so ahead of the class I was teaching (usually) but the joy was gone. The anticipation in spending time with HIM, the Creator of all had been downgraded to simply another chore on my ever growing list of "important" things to do.  The sweet time of sitting at the feet of my FATHER had become a time of clock watching so that I wouldn't be late for the next duty on the list.
I knew it was happening...I even recognized it for what it was, an attack from the enemy on the most important thing I had, my spiritual life.  I prayed and prayed and prayed for GOD to stir up the hunger once again.  Bring me back to that place of fellowship we shared.  Be my teacher again.
GOD in HIS infinite love and mercy (and a touch of that supernatural sense of humor) put me in a position where I have full days open and no excuses. I heard HIM whisper to me "I'm here waiting but I won't take second place! Not to a person, not to a thing and certainly not to a "To Do List" of things that you in your infinite wisdom (I think I understand a little of what Job felt when GOD asked "Where were you when...?") find so important.
So, I have thrown away the To Do List.  I have grabbed on to HIS outstretched hand and I have promised HIM the best of my days not the leftover minutes.  My time with HIM is my top priority.  He will be my tutor, my teacher and my guide.  The fire is burning again and I can't wait to see what HE has planned for this chapter in my life.

If GOD be for us, who can be against us.     Romans 8:3

Let us therefore draw near with boldness unto the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy, and may find grace to help us in time of need.     Hebrews 4:16