September

Larry and I were talking the other day about the month of September.  He said that it was his least favorite month because it signaled the end of summer.  I told him it was one of my favorite months for that same reason.  It is a slower, quieter time.  The sounds of lawn mowers and week eaters are replaced by the wind blowing in the trees and the gentle sound of leaves swirling all around.  Shorts and t-shirts begin to give way to jeans and sweatshirts and burgers and hotdogs are replaced by chili and soups.

September has always seemed peaceful which is in total contrast to the truth which recalls that the worst attack to ever hit our country was in September of 2001. On that day nearly 3,000 people lost their lives and America was forever changed.  Every year we breathe a collective sigh of relief when September 12 rolls around.  This year the apprehension is even greater with the state of our country.  We have witnessed the beheadings of two American journalists covering the events in Iraq and the threat of more if we don’t bow to the demands of these terrorists .  Our government has proven to be GODless and corrupt. For the first time in the history of our country the president of the United States has announced that we are no longer a Christian country.  GOD help us! Will we be able to get through this September without another attack? Will GOD honor the prayers of HIS people or has HE removed HIS hand of protection from us as a judgement for the way we have, as a country turned our back on HIS commands. Only time will tell.

For now, I welcome the cooler temperatures and the shorter days. I look forward to late nights in the hot tub and quiet Saturday mornings curled up with a cup of tea and a good book.  I eagerly look for the tints of red and orange to appear in the trees and the pumpkins and apples to replace berries and melons. I thank GOD that each month is unique and special in it’s own way.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace.

                                                                    Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Happy Birthday, Michael

February 17 is an important day for me.  It’s my brother’s birthday!  A day to celebrate one of the strongest men I have ever known. He has a strength born of life’s experiences both good and bad.  He has our father’s strength and wisdom and our mother’s faith and optimistic way of looking at life. He is one of the only people in my life that I honestly can say that I don’t remember ever having a cross word with.  Of course, it hurts me deeply when he tells me that he had nine relatively good years before GOD “blessed” him with a sister (and a cousin) and life as he knew it was over!!  What he didn’t realize was that GOD loved me enough to give me a big brother (don’t you love the way I made it all about me???:)) who would be my protector, my co-conspirator, my hero and my friend and for the past 56 years, he has been all of those things to me.

I look at him and remember the road he has walked and feel such pride for the man he is.  I once told him a story about someone asking an American general during the Vietnam war who his greatest fighting force was.  They were expecting to hear that it was the Green Beret or the Navy Seals or another one of the specialized forces but he surprised them with the following answer, “My greatest fighting force is the soldier who almost died at the hand of the enemy and lived to fight again. They had looked the enemy in the eye and determined that he would never get them down again!” That is my brother’s story. He walked a rough road for awhile with the enemy trying to destroy him but his life verse is now “You intended to harm me, but GOD intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:20
He comes along beside those struggling down the road he once walked and encourages them by saying “I overcame and you will too.”

And now he is living the life he has always wanted to live.  A beach bum in Mexico...okay maybe not a bum.  He just gets really cranky when the temperature drops below 65degrees and snow puts in in a state of total depression! So while I hate it when he’s so far away he has proven to me that if I need him he’ll be here as was evidenced last year when he flew home when I had some medical issues going on and he wanted to be sure I was alright.  (Of course he wanted to take me back to Mexico with him because the nurses there still wear starched white uniforms....???? )

Probably, the best way to show the man he is, is to point to his children. Bradley, Blair and Adam are three of the strongest, most loving people you will ever meet and they each have a love and respect for their dad that shines from deep within them.

So, tomorrow will be my brother’s 65th birthday. I pray that it is an amazing day filled with lots of friends, love and sunshine. He deserves it all!

I love you, Mike and will never cease thanking GOD for allowing us to share this journey.  Happy Birthday!

Letter to Mama Charley

It’s been almost eighteen months since you spread your wings for Home. We just went through the second Thanksgiving without you. The second Christmas without you.  The second time I’ve gone through my birthday (I never thought this would be so hard) without you. Sometimes, it seems you’ve only been gone a few days and will return soon and other times it feels like forever.  Words are inadequate to describe how much I miss you.  It’s deeper then words, it’s deeper then tears.  Today I was missing you and wishing (for the millionth time) for just one more talk with you and I decided to write you a letter letting you know how we were doing down here.  Okay, you probably know all this but you alway encouraged me to put things down in writing (they call that journalling...) although you wouldn’t have thought of it! So, here it goes~

Last Christmas, I didn’t think I could handle Christmas without you so Larry and I took off for the mountains (where else would I go) on Christmas morning.  BiG mistake! Not only did I miss you desperately, but I also missed the family.  I tried not to think about it too much and with GOD’s grace I made it through. So, this year we went back to the traditions we had shared.  Christmas eve was here with Scott, Karmen and Matthew and Steve and Daniel.  It was fun and festive and I found myself having a really good time.  Then Christmas morning Tom and Rita came for breakfast just like they’ve done for several years now. And Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without Chaos at the Haase house.  It was loud and wild and perfect. With more little boys then we could count and one precious little princess! We made it through and believe it or not there was joy!  It is all about finding a new normal...traditions were the same yet different.  Larry is now the oldest one there :) and our crowd has decreased drastically. Although, we promised each other that we would all stay close (and we are trying) it’s proving to be a real challenge.  Mike and Cindy spend several months of the year in Mexico and while we talk often...it’s not the same as being together. He loves to tell me about his long walks on the beach with Bear and I tell him about the snow. I’m pretty sure GOD has given you the key to the “storehouse of the snow”! We’re finally having the start of a real winter this year!! But he’s happy and living the life he’s always wanted to live.  Brad and Adam both have their own lives and while the love’s still there I miss them too.  As you can imagine, Blair (mother earth) and I still get together when we can.  You’d be so proud of all of your grandchildren...they all are strong, loving people with your spirit shining through each one in a completely (yet totally you) different way.

Lesa and I are closer then ever.  She and Lori and I are are truly sisters.  Lesa has stepped in and helped me through the rough places.  She has taken over the Thanksgiving lunch plus cooked (yes, I said Lesa) a birthday dinner for me the past two years. And judging from her kitchen...she is channelling you~there was more flour on her counter then in the poppyseed rolls and she knew you were with her when she forgot to turn the Kitchenaid off BEFORE adding the flour. And we both laughed thinking about what you would have said the day she borrowed my sewing machine...are you sure you’re not playing tricks with us? 

Then there’s your son-in-law...Where do I even start? The past year has been filled with physical challenges and medical unknowns and he has been my rock.  Beside me every step of the way. I know I wouldn’t have made it these past eighteen months without him.  He holds me when I’m weak, he protects me when I’m hurting, he lets me lean on him when I need reassurance, understands me when I cry and most of all knows when I’m missing you so much that I can’t put it into words and he just stays close and reminds me of how happy and healthy you are and how we will all be together soon.  You loved him so much....I know you love him even more after seeing how he has walked beside me through the hardest time of all.

Well mama, although this has been a pretty one sided conversation (something that would NEVER have happened while you were here) it feels good to talk to you and to know that somehow you’ve heard.  I miss you more each day and while there are days of deep sadness....I live in joy knowing you’re in a far better place, waiting for us to join you.  I love you from here to the moon and back.

Tammy